Sunny with NO chance of rain...

Which is actually funny because we've been getting so much rain lately. (which I love- it certainly beats the typical July in Texas - HEAT) 

       But today my heart is filled with rays of sunlight.

And I'm just waiting patiently for the clouds to move in, I'm not trying to be a pesimist- but it's July 10th.

July 10th, not a good day for me.  I don't really remember as a child anything special or significant about July 10th- but in the last 9 years it's been a definite thorn in my side, a day I stay home- close all the shutters-hide from the world.  What was even worse, this wasn't even just on July 10th, but somehow my hiatis from my everyday norm lasted about a week.  Wow- this year, NOPE- July 10th just snuck up on me, then I wake up today and say to myself "OH, Hey- It's July 10th- Awesome, go out enjoy the rain with a smile in my heart, and bring sunshine to someone else today." (Yep, I'm on a quest- by the end of today I hope to turn someones day from partly cloudy with a chance of HAIL to Sunny with No chance of Rain. )

WHY--

Nine years ago today my heart was filled with an excruciating pain that I had NEVER experienced before.  Nine years ago today I was told that my child that I was 6 1/2 month pregnant with showed a very specific anomoly on a sonogram that I had Nine years ago today.   Nine years ago today Jerry and I were left in a waiting room with no explaination from anyone for over an hour after we saw it too- the anomoly that appeared on that sonogram. Nine years ago today I had my first and last amniocentisis. Nine years ago today I had no idea that I would know a greater pain than I was feeling that day- the pain of losing a child.  Nine years ago today I met Yvonne- one of the sweetest ladies I've ever encountered- she was our new "Genetic couselor".  Nine years ago today I cried so hard ( that lasted for days). Nine years ago I called my associate pastor and told her I couldn't finish the week of teaching VBS and asked her to pray for my baby.   Nine year ago today the FBI sent out a Memo warning of Muslim extremist were in Arizona, learning to fly, this warning wasn't taken seriously. (Ironic that they were warning for an event that happened on Jordan's Birth Day.)

I didn't take my warning too seriously either. I was sad, but I didn't think the outcome would be what it was.  My Dad flew in to be with me the following day, I cried! He cried. And we drove in silence for a while. 

Jerry and I had about two weeks to be out of our first home.  We had to get a larger home because our family was GROWING- :).  I couldn't pack though, my desire for a larger home was gone.  My only desire was to have a healthy baby- I prayed and cried and prayed some more. 

As time went on, I was better.  I did a lot of research for Pierre Robin Syndrome since that seemed to be what the doctors thought we would be dealing with.  During the sonogram (Yes, nine years ago today) we saw what appeared to be a massive overbite.  I saw it, Jerry saw it- Jeeezzz.... Anyway  - Research on the internet - Disclaimer- Be careful how much of this you do! I read and read and read and cried.  I already had in my mind how it would be when my little man was born. I still had the hollow, pit in the stomach feeling sometimes- but I really think I had come to grips with this special gift that God was giving us.

Back to July 10th- every year until this year I would go into a 4-5 day long depression, starting right around the 5th or 6th of July, it would be gone July 11th.  This year- I can't explain it, other than God has brought me to a place and shown me even more over this last year as to why I should never let this time of year bring me down.  Verses and sayings I have heard for years have started taking on even newer meaning with me. Being with friends that have walked the same road I walked- and we somehow move on to tomorrow, and we smile.  The last thing I heard last night before I went to bed was,

"God will not always steer you clear of the fire, but he will ALWAYS pull you through it."

This year he did steer me clear- and in the past, he's ALWAYS pulled me through.